ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
