you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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