I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
