Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
