i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
