At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
