and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
