going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
