Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
