You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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