I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
