somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize