im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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