omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
