It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
