my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
