Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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