Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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