I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
