Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
