So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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