when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
