I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
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I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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