I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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