We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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