Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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