HIV tests are more positive than that guy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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