oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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