It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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