I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
