I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
