I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
