I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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