Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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