I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
