sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
