Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
