My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
