Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
