if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
