walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
