if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
