im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize