yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I could make wine with my vomit
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was confusing and full of hummus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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