come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
