im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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