So drunk its hurt
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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