i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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