I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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