I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
