8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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