I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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