u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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