Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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