i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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