Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
