Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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