First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
