Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
