he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
