3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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