One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
